In a previous article, I shared my challenge of preparing for six months as a performance athlete with the goal of entering a bodybuilding competition. (If you haven’t read it, you can find it here).
Initially, I planned to write about how I chose my coach but realized that my criteria are the same in any field. Whether it’s a fitness coach, a business coach, a therapist, or any form of “mentor” or “teacher” or “specialist” I could mention here.
And I think it might be useful to offer another perspective on how we should choose our coaches, especially today, when it seems we have more coaches in various fields than ever before.
A short disclaimer:
Someone who doesn’t know me might question my “credentials.” Why I think my perspective is useful?
Sure, it might not be for everyone, but I write from the perspective of someone who has heavily invested in education. Last year, I did a rough calculation; I’ve easily spent over 150k Euro in 15 years of entrepreneurship and have worked extensively with various coaches.
In one-on-one settings.
Whether they were business coaches, therapists, trainers, fitness experts, or specialists, depending on the skills I wanted to develop.
Returning to the point.
A quick Google search yields many articles with all sorts of criteria and characteristics we should consider when making such choices.
What I haven’t found much, however, is something that, apparently, many avoid saying. I don’t know if it’s because it invites to accountability or perhaps it harms the “good person” image, or for some other reason.
- In my opinion, the most important thing when making this type of choice (and not only, but I’m trying to stay on topic), is to educate yourself.
Yes, exactly. Educate yourself, inform yourself, do your own research, be well-informed enough to make an informed choice. So you can filter as best as possible.
Otherwise, you end up making decisions based on which way the wind is blowing.
Either you take any recommendation from a person you trust at face value without running it through your filter, or you decide based on who is in trending, who is more visible and has better marketing, who attends more events, who speaks more “elevated” or “fancy”, and since you don’t understand a thing they say, you think you’ve met God, and so on.
I can’t help but make a side note here.
I’ve encountered so many entrepreneurs, over the years working in the agency, telling stories about various former collaborators like: they’re not serious, they scammed me, I thought they’d do x and y, but they did nothing, I saw no results with them, they’re incompetent, and the list goes on.
Beyond the fact that I don’t resonate with these versions, I have no problem telling them to their face the following: Okay, I get it. That one is unserious, that one is an idiot, that one is incompetent, there are no serious and capable people, sir. But, I have a question: what is the common denominator among all these people?
And usually, there’s silence.
Well, if you don’t know what to ask for, if you don’t know whether they’re feeding you nonsense, if you can’t filter the people you work with, why are only these people to blame for these situations?
If someone told you X is okay, and you go blindly because X said so, why are you complaining now?
Now, I hear a voice in my ear: well, that’s why I go to a specialist, because I don’t know these things and I need someone to teach me. Fair enough.
I’m not saying you need to know everything they know and become a specialist yourself, of course. But you do need to know enough to know what to ask for and how to evaluate whether the person in front of you is the right one. And that, trust me, is possible.
I’m speaking from the position of someone who founded a web development agency 9 years ago and who has never written a line of code in his life and will never learn to do so.
Well, closing the parenthesis, as it’s hard to stop me on this topic.
- Another criterion that, in my opinion, should be non-negotiable, would be that the person is continuously educating themselves. #lifelonglearning
Why do I say this?
There are many arguments for this, but by far, the most dangerous I find is that having a mentor who does not continuously educate themselves limits your access, primarily, to current information, methods, processes, etc.
Especially in fields that evolve very rapidly (whether it’s technology, marketing, entrepreneurship, health, etc.) where practices considered effective a few years ago may now be inefficient or even counterproductive.
For example, related to the challenge I took on, 8/10 bodybuilders would have prescribed a diet heavy in animal protein or the infamous five-times-a-day chicken breast and rice (the commercially available kind, which is now loaded with antibiotics), all sorts of substances or powders that “help,” etc.
But hey, “I’ve been doing this for 20 years, leave me alone with the newfangled stuff that keeps popping up, I know how it’s done.” And I bet you’ve heard that phrase in many fields.
Why it should matter if it’s ok or not for your health? He knows how it’s done. ♂️
- Another essential criterion, in my view, is humility. (I don’t like this word in English, it sounds better in my language)
A person who lacks a kind of humility often exhibits polarized behavior, all under the “I know it all” category.
Also, where there’s a big ego, there’s often just as big a lack of accountability. And it’s rare to hear from such a person that they’ve made a mistake.
I believe in people who have the strength to admit when they’ve erred and more so, know and can recognize their limitations.
Moreover, mentors or coaches who display a large ego and lack humility can create an environment where you, as the mentee, feel intimidated or under constant pressure to perform to his standards, without space for mistakes or free exploration. Such an environment can often inhibit authentic learning and development.
What else I would add here as important is the fact that mentors who do not recognize their own mistakes or limitations are less likely to self-assess and improve their mentoring methods or processes.
And that often leads to professional stagnation and the repetition of mistakes that affect not just them, but you as their “student.”
- If we’re talking about a process where you work 1-on-1 with someone, another essential criterion from my perspective is that you resonate with that person. With his life principles, his way of seeing the world, the values he holds, or simply his energy.
From my experience, the process is otherwise very burdensome.
I can learn from people whom I may not like or resonate with, but who I see as competent in certain skills. But to learn by reading a book, or things these people write or say.
But I couldn’t work one-on-one with these people.
I’ve tried.
And it’s not as if that person doesn’t help you with some things, maybe he’s a super professional at what he does.
But I was so negatively charged by his energy, and I put so much effort during the time spent with him because he was literally emotionally diverting me, imagine how productive those sessions could actually be for me.
I was more focused on maintaining my energy and not reacting to his principles and way of seeing life in general, which I absolutely did not resonate with rather than being focused on my goals.
He helped me with what I needed then but the energy cost I was paying was too high, and it wasn’t worth it. Especially when you have other options.
- I’ve left the results criterion for last for two reasons:
- First, any mentor, coach, therapist, whoever it might be for you, had his beginnings. If no one had given him a chance because he didn’t have enough experience or results, he wouldn’t have gotten where he is today.
And there are situations where even if someone is just starting out, they compensate with other things and can have a significant impact on your life.
- The second aspect is that if they don’t meet the first four criteria, they could have the results of the results and be the brightest in the world. For me, it doesn’t matter.
I would also add a footnote here, important, I think.
It’s very important what kind of results you look at.
Because not every great player is a good coach, and vice versa. The two roles require very different skills. Very, very different.
An extraordinary sales agent might be a mediocre sales manager.
One of the most revolutionary coaches in soccer, Arrigo Sacchi, did not have a significant career as a player.
He played at an amateur level and failed to make the jump to the professional level.
However, as a coach, Sacchi had an enormous impact, leading AC Milan to two consecutive Champions League titles in 1989 and 1990 and is known for his innovative tactics and strict approaches to defensive play and pressing.
Shall I mention Jose Mourinho? Who, although he tried to play football at lower levels, Mourinho did not have a notable career as a player.
So he decided to focus on coaching, where he excelled. Mourinho has become one of the most successful coaches in the history of soccer, winning championship titles in Portugal, England, Italy, and Spain, as well as multiple Champions League trophies with FC Porto and Inter Milan.
Or, on the flip side. Maradona, whom you’ve probably heard of at least once, is undoubtedly one of the greatest soccer players of all time, but his coaching career has not had the same level of success.
Although he had the chance to coach the Argentine national team at the 2010 World Cup, the team’s performance was disappointing, being eliminated in the quarterfinals with a crushing 4-0 defeat by Germany. He also had coaching stints at clubs in Argentina and abroad, but without notable results.
Thierry Henry, who is considered one of the best strikers of his time, with a successful career at Arsenal and the French national team, again, did not perform as a coach. His first major role was at AS Monaco, where he was appointed in 2018, but was fired after only three months due to a series of poor results.
Although he had a subsequent tenure at Montreal Impact in MLS, the performances, again, were not remarkable.
For this reason, in my opinion, it’s very important how you look at someone’s results when choosing a mentor, coach, business coach, etc.
Being a top expert does not automatically make you a top coach because, I repeat, the role of a coach requires a very different set of skills.
And the mentality of the two roles, again, differs vastly.
(My mind now wanders to the countless messages online, like, “let me show you how I made 1 Million Euros, and sell you a course about it” but it’s not related to today’s topic, so maybe another time)
This is the process through which I filter people from whom I choose to learn or with whom to work in one-on-one processes.
As you see, the process of choosing a suitable mentor is not necessarily simple, but it is essential to approach it seriously, in my opinion.
Educating yourself and training your ability to critically evaluate recommendations and trends are probably the most powerful tools you can control.
A mentor who continuously educates themselves, who recognizes their mistakes, and who resonates with your values can radically transform both your professional performance and your personal life, or even, in some cases, transform your entire life. As grandiose as that sounds.
On the other hand, the wrong choice can limit you and prevent you from reaching your goal or even your potential.
Therefore, I recommend investing time in this process and no longer deciding based on which way the wind is blowing. 🙂
I’m curious to hear your perspective: How do you choose mentors? What criteria are essential for you?
Write to me on Instagram or send me an email – in this way, we can learn from each other.
I wish you to make informed decisions.
David
#globalentrepreneur #stratgicthinker #booklover
